Thoughts on Home

Those of you who began "following" me after I moved to Nigeria may not know that MaggieInNigeria used to be MaggieInChicago. The blog from that time in my life is here, and it was a useful tool of expression while in undergrad. I was reviewing some of the posts I wrote in the last year and a half, and am amazed at the way life has changed, and at the way God has provided.

12.31.08, "Here's to 2009 and all the changes it will bring. I can't wait!"
(Now THAT'S the understatement of the year!)

10.08.2008. On life after college graduation: "I have no plans as of right now. Due to my procrastination and the impractical nature of my liberal arts education, I'll be wandering aimlessly back to my parents' basement and waking up at 4am to serve espresso to the highly ambitious."
(Wrong. I'll be living in West Africa, making it on raw independence and the mercy of God. Interesting how life changes!)

And finally, this, on 8.12.08: "All these existential feelings have left this ache in me that I can only explain as wanting to go home. And the problem with going home is that home is a really fuzzy concept for me right now...home has so much less to do with location and so much more to do with people. Right now, home is still with my family and my best friends, but home [is also Wheaton]...Even if I wanted to keep all the pieces together, home is going to be spread out between states and people that I love and care about and no place is going to feel entirely like home. I wonder when that will change. I wonder if that will change."

This is the one I want to focus on, because it is the one that has changed the most. Ready?

Home is not a fuzzy concept anymore.

I left behind my ambiguous idea of home about the same time that I left the North American continent. Moving to Nigeria made a lot of things clear to me, but especially this: I have a home, and it's not here. Home is in the middle of the frozen tundra. Home is with Tony and OrganizedAudrey and Jake.

This realization has positives and negatives. It means that I am beyond-excited to come home for Christmas, but it also means that I'm holding my new Nigerian community at arm's length - I don't want to grow too attached. It means that I appreciate my family and even the Minnesota weather more than ever. It also means I am hesitant to put art on the walls here - it seems useless to make the flat I live in feel like home because it isn't home and it can't be.

I find this a very peculiar reaction, because I usually have no problem moving into a new place and making it feel like home. It took all of 1.5 semesters to begin calling Wheaton College "home." And when I lived and worked briefly in Chicago suburbs this summer, I settled right in. No problem.

It may be an incorrect analysis, but I think my heart may be guarded this time against the "home" feeling because God has other plans for me, beyond Nigeria. At this point, I don't see myself staying here forever.

(And I'm not saying this won't change. It's just how I feel about home after 4 months living in a completely different country.)

Whatever the reason, I feel peaceful that home has a street address.

It always did. I just forgot.